Rocks, Pebbles, Sand: How to Reset When Life Gets Too Full
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From a corn pit 🌽 in Connecticut last weekend...and a representation of things on my plate that week 😬
TLDR: If you’re feeling overwhelmed or a bit scatter-brained, this is for you. Especially if you're navigating work alongside a job search, planning for parental leave, or big changes at work. If you’re already feeling great about what’s on your plate, feel free to skip!
More of an audio person? I recently did a podcast with my friend Alexis talking about this, career changes, and other things (thanks, Alexis 🙏 ).
I’m coming out of a 2-week overload period.
I woke up in the middle of last week, realizing I had way more things to do than time to do them before heading out on vacation (later today!). And I felt super drained, down and guilty.
This seems to happen at least once every fall. A confluence of things in work and life ramping up at the same time.
My work gets busier in September as people come out of vacation-summer-mode ready to revamp their job search or hit work goals by year-end.
Plus, I made a last-minute trip to New Haven to see friends and sit in a corn pit (highly recommended), volleyball leagues are overlapping, my close friend is recovering from pneumonia and I wanted to visit, Halloween is coming, etc. etc. etc.
With perspective, I’m grateful to have time to do these things.
But in the moment, it was overwhelming.
My first reaction when this happens is an old one. Just power through! Do more, faster!
Work late hours. Say yes because saying no makes me feel a mixture of guilt / fear / sadness. Stew in indecision instead of declining plans. Be grumpy and distracted at a volleyball game. Work late and take a while to fall asleep.
It’s only for a couple of weeks! No biggie!
But it isn't sustainable.
I wasn't enjoying what I was doing or able to be present. I was spending too much time ruminating on how to do 20 things with actual time to do 5.
I eventually switched out of “power through” mode and did a reset.
The result was feeling way more present, light, energized, and grateful. I could actually enjoy the corn pit (and my lovely friends and their kids) vs. stewing about my schedule.
How did I reset? I use these 5 steps often with my clients and in my own life. Whether you do it in one sitting or over a few days, I highly recommend it.
5 Steps to Reset My Workload
Remember I can never get 100% of things done in all areas of life. This comes from 4000 Weeks, Time Management for Mortals - a book I highly recommend. TLDR: I’m never going to get everything done, no matter how hard I try. The sooner I accept it, the better my quality of life. I need to pick the most important things and let the rest slide away.
Rocks, Pebbles, Sand This is how I find what to prioritize and what to let go of. The concept:
Rocks are your most important priorities—what truly matters to you in life (e.g. family, health)
Pebbles are the responsibilities that are important but not critical. They may still need to get done, but you wouldn't want them to crowd out the rocks (e.g. work, hobbies)
Sand represents the smaller things that can easily take over if you let them (e.g. email, reading newsletters, tidying)
If you fill your jar (your day, week, or life) with sand first, there’s no room left for rocks. But if you put the rocks in first, then the pebbles...the sand can settle in the gaps or be left outside the jar.
For me, that meant prioritizing family, friends, sleep, exercise, and clients. And deprioritizing the cleanest apartment and the perfect dress for an event.
Calendar Blocking I’m not one to stick to a rigid schedule, but calendar blocking keeps me sane. I put blocks for my Rocks, Pebbles and even some Sand. As I need to, I move them around like a puzzle. It makes me (sometimes painfully) aware of how little time I have. But then I can see what I need to make room for (e.g. downtime) or let go of.
Resetting expectations and saying no This is a muscle I'm always building, but a magical one. You can start with scripts (examples here and here), but make them your own. Some of mine this week:
“Hey - I’m unexpectedly overcommitted this week. Would you mind if we moved this to next week? I’ll have much more headspace then.”
“Unfortunately, I can’t - I have plans. But thank you for the invite 🙏”
“I'm sorry for the delay! I'm a bit swamped heading into vacation. I have a window on Thursday to finish this. Let me know if that's too late and I'll find time in the next day. Thank you!"
“Not today - but thanks!”
Rinse and repeat on the fly As things get done, I revisit my priorities and my calendar, then make adjustments as needed.
Was this a perfect reset with no snags? No! Did I have to apologize for some delayed things? Yes!
But I'm significantly more on top of things than I would have been, and more importantly, I'm able to be more present, productive, kind, considerate, and grateful.
Questions for you:
What are your 3-5 big Rocks right now?
What’s one Pebble that you may need to let go of or scale back on?
What Sand can you just ignore completely? (This can be very freeing.)
Want some help?
I'd love to help you reset and work towards your short-term and long-term goals. This is especially useful if you're juggling a career change or expanding your family amid your already very full life. I have slots for Discovery Calls starting again in mid-October.
In the meantime, please go find a Corn Pit to play in 🌽🌽🌽. It's the best.