Who's driving the bus? 🚌
/
Courtesy of Marta Castaing 🙏
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about who’s driving the bus? 🚌
I mean, which voice in my brain is making the decisions?!
Both for myself and my clients.
Is it the confident one? The imposter syndrome one? The anxious one? The romanticizer?
This is one of my favorite tools to get unstuck. To stop ruminating. To clear the fog in my mind...or the lump in my throat.
When your career feels murky. When you’re frustrated with yourself and your business. When you feel unsupported at work. When you're worried you've just...failed. So many things.
As an aside, some context on buses 🚌 and me:
My dad was a car guy through and through so I tend to think of him with any bus / car / train analogy. He worked in Formula One in France as an engineer, moved to Michigan in the 80’s for the car industry, and spent his life around machines of all kinds - building cars, racing, rehabbing a science center, helping his grandkids build a wagon out of a wine crate, tinkering.
I got my undergrad degree in Mechanical Engineering on his advice (it’s a great way to learn how to think!). I never worked as an engineer, but I reference what I learned on the regular when problem solving.
I also tend to use a lot of analogies around cars, trains, boats, factories… I like to think he’s a part of that. A bus is… apropos.
For a long time, I thought I just had one voice driving the bus of my mind.
Just me, with seemingly endless thoughts a day - some happy, some insecure, some empowered, some funny, some judgy, some ambitious, some lazy, some loving and earnest. All thoughts seemed like solid facts.
In the last few years, I’ve been parsing them out. With a few that can lean a little Debbie Downer. Realizing not all are worth following all the time.
Some people call them your Inner Critics. Or your Saboteurs. With Internal Family Systems, they’re your Parts. And there are others. You might just know them as “the voices in my head.”
Here are a few of my staples:
The one who thinks I don’t have the answer and others know better
The one who compares and ruminates on the way things “should” be
The one with imposter syndrome - what if I’m not actually that good?
Core Laura - this one’s no Debbie Downer. Quite the opposite. This one’s confident, calm, loving, content, grateful, and self-assured. Comfortable in my skin. Not needing any accomplishment, thing, or person to feel whole and at peace.
I’ve gotten much better at noticing which one is showing up. And what the impact is if they’re in control. It’s typically a double-edged sword. Some helpful decisions, some less so.
With Imposter Syndrome driving the bus, my decisions might be to:
Learn a new skill I feel insecure in
Be more thoughtful with a client to ensure they’re happy
Procrastinate on a proposal in case they reject it
Ruminate on my business vs. helping the next person, client or not
For my clients it’s been:
Not exploring a new job because they fear rejection and validating they were right about not being that good
Not having a direct conversation about their career with their boss
Feeling down on what went wrong in the business for days vs. trusting that they know how to right-size the ship and taking those actions
Defaulting to a loud board member vs. leading with a clear vision, even if they're unhappy.
Unsurprisingly, those decisions often create the outcome I was afraid of to begin with. A feeling of being stuck, a repetitive narrative that I’m not qualified, no action and therefore no results, more problems.
If, instead, Core Laura drives the bus, or other similar parts, the decisions change.
What would I do if I felt totally empowered, calm, confident, self-assured, at peace, and loving?
For me that looks like:
Reaching out, connecting, and supporting someone because I love doing it!
Noticing big and little things I already have that I can take for granted
Reaching out to a scary person knowing rejection doesn’t mean anything about me
Planning the trip I've been coveting on Instagram
For my clients, that’s looked like:
A mid-career job changer signing up for a grad level class instead of resigning herself to a lower level job she didn’t like anymore
An executive having a more confident conversation about the new salary and title she wants with her boss and then getting a raise
A CEO listing out lessons learned from not firing his COO sooner, then moving on and building the org structure and culture he needs now
I’ve come to believe that our Core Parts are always there, they just get drowned out by loud voices sometimes.
Here are some things that have worked for me when that happens:
Start by noticing who’s showing up. Creating some distance vs. just letting them operate by default. Meditation is very helpful for this (I like Insight Timer and Calm).
Get curious without judgement. Understand more about these parts. What are they worried about? Can that be questioned? Addressed?
Find ways to bring out the Core Part. I like solo raging dance parties (typically to Florence + the Machine), talking to close friends/family, and exercise outside.
Remember it’s a muscle to build - not a final destination to reach. Sometimes it’s impossible and I just try not to make big decisions in those headspaces. Instead, I turn to self care. Or don't, and ruminate like a pro for a beat. It'll pass. And I'll learn more.
If this resonates, here’s something you can noodle on: 🍝
When’s the last time you felt like your Core Part? (tip - feel free to name that part to whatever you want! It helps bring them out more.)
What was that like for you?
What were the circumstances that allowed you to bring that part out?
How could you replicate that?
There’s much more to this topic, but it's a start. If you have your own thoughts / resources / opinions - whether you agree with me or not - I’d love to hear them. Email me anytime laura@lauracastaing.com or schedule a free brain dump coaching session.